


time is a longwave

by cecropia



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Drabble, Fluff, M/M, One Shot, Sleepy Cuddles, Slice of Life, and cuddle and talk, and they're in college, evan's a camp counselor and connor works at a library, that's pretty much it my dudes, they kiss, they're in a new relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2020-03-08 22:05:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18903553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cecropia/pseuds/cecropia
Summary: “Are you petting me?”





	time is a longwave

**Author's Note:**

> hi y'all!  
> i've been reading a lot of -angst- recently and i just needed something pure and wholesome so here's this!!  
> title is inspired by Long Wave by Bonny Doon. that song has the vibes i was feeling while writing this  
> as always, let me know what u think! your comments and feedback are my fuel
> 
> come talk to me! c-e-c-r-o-p-i-a on tumblr :-)  
> 

Connor doesn’t really stir when he wakes up, he sort of just blinks a couple of times as his senses start to kick back in. First, he notices that his warm breath is being bounced off of something back onto his face, that he’s got his face pressed up against a pillow or something—  _ someone _ , he realizes as he feels fingers scratching gently at his scalp. When he breathes in he can smell… a campfire, which is weird, but it’s not an actual one, just the ghost of one. He then realizes that he has one arm slung around this person’s waist when said person adjusts a little, then immediately goes back to petting Connor’s hair. He’s sort of snuggled into this person’s chest, which would be weird and Connor would protest if it wasn’t so damn comfortable.

 

At this point he’s almost fully awake and considers moving, but damn, having someone run their fingers through your hair is so nice and comforting and it feels  _ good _ so he doesn’t want this to end any time soon. He pretends he’s still asleep.

 

He takes another breath in and it hits him that, oh yeah, Evan’s a camp counselor in the summers between college. He smells like a campfire all the time, which Connor loves, and if Connor uses that as an excuse to hug him more often then so be it. Evan runs his fingers through Connor’s hair again and suddenly he’s grateful that he took a shower yesterday, because right now his hair is fluffy and nice and optimal for some hair-petting. Which is weird, because Evan normally doesn’t… initiate moments like these. Hell, the first time they kissed he had to tell Evan that it was okay that he kissed him back. Evan had said he didn’t want to do it wrong, but truthfully, he could never do it wrong. Even if he just licked Connor’s face. It was  _ Evan _ . But Connor would probably take that embarrassing thought right to his grave. 

 

For a while he wasn’t sure if Evan even liked him back or if he was just afraid of him, just going along with it so Connor didn’t explode on him. But that was just his brain talking, because pretty soon after that first kiss he realized that Evan is just as nervous as he is with this stuff. Maybe even— no, definitely more nervous than Connor. Which is why it’s kind of impressive that Evan’s being so… touchy with him right now. It makes Connor’s chest feel warm.

 

Connor takes a deep breath and Evan’s hand stills on Connor’s head for a second, but when Connor evens out his breathing again he goes back to that repetitive motion, pulling Connor closer with a hand on his back and Connor honest to god feels butterflies in his stomach. Because this proves that Evan isn’t just along for the ride, not that Connor ever really doubted him. Connor wants to kiss him. 

 

But then this magical moment will be over, and Evan will shy away and say something cute and then Connor will have to kiss him to shut him up and tell him that he’s stupid and then Evan won’t touch him for the rest of the night and god, Connor hadn’t really realized how touch starved he was before meeting Evan. It’s bad. It’s not sexual or anything— at least, the majority of the time it’s not, but Connor finds himself taking every opportunity to hold Evan’s hand or bump shoulders with him while they’re walking together or—

 

God, he must be really fucking tired considering that he’s letting himself think sappy shit like this. 

 

Not that he doesn’t want to think these thoughts, or that he doesn’t want to tell Evan these things, but it’s all so new and everything in his life right now feels fragile and he just really, really doesn’t want to fuck things up with him. Evan’s the first good thing to happen to him in a long time and he’ll be damned if he lets this one go. If he could exist in this moment forever, with Evan holding him close and touching him like he deserves it, he would. He absolutely would. 

 

But, as he always does, he fucks it up. 

 

“Are you petting me?” He asks jokingly, voice groggy, and he feels Evan jump and then still against him, and he almost laughs when he imagines the look on Evan’s face. 

 

“God, I’m sorry— that’s super weird, isn’t it?” Evan laughs nervously and goes to pull away, but Connor suddenly realizes that he has a body and limbs so he tightens the arm he has around Evan’s waist and Evan stills again. 

 

Connor shrugs nonchalantly, laying his head back against Evan’s chest. “Never said that,” He mumbles. 

 

“Okay,” Evan breathes. He hears Evan exhale a shaky breath, and he feels his hand land on his back again, but it’s lighter this time. Like he’s afraid to break him or something. And Connor almost gets angry, because he’s not fragile, he’s not  _ broken _ , but then Evan takes another breath and relaxes against him, rubbing Connor’s back with his thumb just once. And Connor relaxes too, because  _ of course _ Evan doesn’t think that about him. He’s just constantly second-guessing everything he does because he has crippling anxiety. Duh.

 

“I also never said you had to stop,” Connor adds casually— or, he hopes he adds that casually, but really he’s just so comfortable that he doesn’t care that he’s being pushy. He just really wants to cuddle Evan right now. Sue him. 

 

“Oh,” Evan breathes out happily, and Connor bites back a grin. 

 

Evan’s hand tentatively reaches back up, Connor feels it brush up against his hair, but then he hesitates. “Are you sure it’s okay? Like, it’s not weird for me to just—”

 

“Dude,” Connor interrupts him, “I basically just asked you to keep playing with my hair.”

 

“No, no, I know. I know. I just. I dunno. I’m sorry.” 

 

Connor pulls back a bit, craning his neck so he can look up at Evan. “What for?”

 

Evan blinks. His sunburn is setting in, Connor realizes as he looks at him for the first time since falling asleep. It’s making his cheeks and nose red which is  _ very _ cute and it contrasts nicely with his green eyes that seem to shine in the low light. “Huh?”

 

“Why are you sorry?”

 

Evan glances down, biting his lip. It really shouldn’t be as alluring as it is, but it is. “Oh, I dunno. I just know you don’t always like affectionate stuff and sometimes you don’t wanna be touched and so I figured it would be better if I just, like… didn’t? Like, I don’t wanna just assume that you’re in the mood to be touched and then be wrong and— and cause you to, like— I don’t wanna trigger you or anything because I know sometimes when people touch me and I’m not in the mood I can sort of spiral, and I just really hate to see you sad or unhappy or anything like that and so of course I don’t want to be the cause of it—”

 

“Hey,” Connor says gently, moving his hand from Evan’s waist to rest against his jaw. Evan looks down at him and his eyes are concerned, they’re fucking genuine, and it almost makes Connor tear up. Which is stupid, because who cries about someone caring about them? Stupid. “You don’t… um, you don’t have to be so… afraid of me.”

 

Evan immediately bristles, eyebrows coming together. “Connor, you  _ know _ that’s not—”

 

“No, no, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking bad at words.” He curls his arm around Evan’s waist and buries his head back in Evan’s chest, taking a deep breath and grounding himself with the smell of his sweatshirt. He looks back up at Evan again, whose face is softer now. “I didn’t mean it like that. I know you’re not scared of me. Just— yes, I don’t always wanna be touched, but like— the more we, um, y’know… hang out, the more I’ve started to realize that I don’t… hate it. When it’s  _ you _ that’s, like. Touching me. I actually really…”  _ Like it _ , Connor’s brain supplies, but that’s too much to admit right now. “... really don’t mind it. It helps sometimes, too, when I’m, y’know. In a shitty mood or something.” 

 

Connor’s avoiding Evan’s eyes, feeling his cheeks go red, so he settles on twirling one of Evan’s sweatshirt strings on his finger. Evan kind of laughs, and Connor tries not to smile. He tugs on the hoodie string, and Evan laughs again. “What? Don’t be weird about it, man.”

 

“No no, I’m not, just— really?” Evan asks, and the hopeful tone he uses just begs for Connor to look at him again, so he does. He doesn’t regret it, because Evan’s smiling and Connor thinks his cheeks look redder but he isn’t sure if it’s all sunburn. “It helps you?” 

 

Connor laughs once, glancing down. “Yeah, man. Duh.” He punches Evan’s arm, but softly, playfully, and Evan huffs out a laugh, looking down himself. They both chuckle for a second, grateful that the awkward part is over, and when their eyes meet again Connor notices that Evan’s trying not to smile, pulling his bottom lip into his mouth and conversation is really over at that point because if Connor doesn’t kiss him in the next five seconds he’s going to riot.

 

But when their lips touch it isn’t Connor that started it. Evan’s hand cups Connor’s jaw and pulls him forward, smashing their lips together, and Connor’s a bit startled at first but then he remembers that he also has a mouth and kisses back with just as much enthusiasm. He slides his hand up Evan’s back, feeling the warmth under his palm, and he’s just so grateful he gets to have this. He doesn’t know what he did to deserve it. 

 

Evan seems to quickly realize what he’s done, though, and pulls back. “I’m sorry, is— was that okay, or?”

 

Connor lets out a quick frustrated sigh. “Evan,” He deadpans, pulling Evan in with one hand clutching at the fabric of Evan’s hoodie. Evan cracks a smile. “Shut up,” Connor says gently, shaking his head before reconnecting their lips again. 

 

It’s not that coordinated and they’re both smiling, laughing, and their teeth knock together a couple of times but that’s not stopping them and it’s definitely not stopping Connor, who plans on using this kiss to send a message of  _ I love you I love you I love you _ because he can’t say it yet and he doesn’t know how he’ll ever say it but he needs Evan to know. He just needs Evan to know. 

 

It pains him, but eventually Connor pulls back with a rosy shade of pink dusting his cheeks. “Tell me about camp today.”

 

Evan’s eyes light up. “Oh my god, yeah, so I think the campers are actually starting to become friends? Like, I saw two of my girls sitting by the lake today and…“ Evan launches into a whole recap of his day, and as he’s talking about his campers Connor feels those butterflies again. The fact that he gets to witness Evan talking about his passion with sheer joy on his face and a shine in his eyes... it’s making Connor feel extra touchy, which is… new, but he reassures himself that it’s fine because they just talked about it so he lets himself rub circles into Evan’s back. 

 

“You really love those kids, huh?”

 

Evan smiles. “Yeah. I do.” He pauses, furrowing his brow. Connor wants to smooth it out. “It’s kind of stressing me out though?”

 

“No. Why?”

 

Evan yawns and Connor has no doubt that it’s the cutest thing he’s ever fucking seen. “I dunno, it’s making me question my life choices. Like, do I really want to study environmental science or— I dunno, it’s stupid—”

 

“Or do you want to teach?” Connor finishes his sentence for him. 

 

Evan kind of grimaces at him, but it’s grateful. “Yeah.” Evan sighs, rubbing at his eyes. “But it’s like, I’ve already spent a year on this major and I’m already signed up for some of my major classes—”

 

“Which you can drop,” Connor supplies, and Evan just looks at him. “I’m serious. Most of freshman year is just core stuff anyway, so it’s the perfect opportunity to change your major. I know someone who’s changed hers, like, four times already.”

 

Evan nods, settling back against the pillows and giving Connor a hesitating glance before pulling him closer. Connor doesn’t mean to let out the happy sigh that escapes him, but he does and Evan doesn’t comment if he notices. “I’m serious, Ev. I’ve seen the way you talk about those kids, and I think… I think you’d be really good at it.”

 

A beat of silence, and then Evan says, “I’ll think about it.”

 

“Good,” Connor says, shutting his eyes and resting his cheek against Evan’s shoulder. Evan lets out a deep contented sigh and lightly rests his chin against the top of Connor’s head. “Give all of our shitty teachers a run for their money. Show them the difference between actually caring and just getting a fucking paycheck.”

 

Evan hums a laugh, and then Connor feels a hand run through his hair. Finally, Jesus. He nuzzles into Evan’s neck, something he never ever pictured himself doing in a million years, being this open with someone. Caring enough about someone to actually let them in. To let himself be taken care of.

 

“You tired?” Connor mumbles, and he feels Evan shiver. Connor starts rubbing his back again.

 

“Exhausted,” Evan admits, caressing down the back of Connor’s neck. “Running after those kids all day… really…“ He yawns again, and Connor giggles. “Really wears me out.” 

 

“Stop that, you dick, you’re gonna make me yawn.”

 

Evan laughs quietly, and Connor can feel the vibrations against his cheek. “You just slept for like, three hours. You don’t get to yawn.” Evan punctuates his sentence with a light scratch to Connor’s head, and Connor’s overwhelmed with the urge to kiss him again. 

 

“Hey, working at the Library is harder than you’d think, okay? I have to stock all the new books, and climb up on stupid ladders to reach the top shelves, and like… actually talk to people sometimes. That wears  _ me _ out.” 

 

Evan laughs a sleepy laugh. “Imagine you… as a camp counselor. Oh my god.” Evan kind of doubles over and laughs again. “A kid would talk back to you and you’d probably make him cry or something. Oh my god, that’s so funny.”

 

“I’d put them in their place,” Connor says, nose wrinkling at the thought of actually working with children all day. Evan snorts. “No, but for real, that would be the worst job literally  _ ever _ . I have a quota for the amount of times I have answer stupid questions per day, and kids ask such stupid fucking questions… I’d probably quit within the first, like, three hours.”

 

“You wouldn’t even last three hours,” Evan quips, pulling Connor a little closer. “Maybe three minutes at best.”

 

“Yeah, you’re right.”

 

Silence. Connor listens to the sound of Evan’s breathing, feeling his chest rise and fall against him and and he lets out a sigh. He wants to be sappy, wants to just live in this moment, so he presses a kiss to Evan’s neck, waiting to see if Evan freezes or recoils, but. He doesn’t do any of that.

 

“This is nice,” Evan says softly, kind of slurring like he’s on the cusp of falling asleep. “We’re such idiots. Why haven’t we done this before?”

 

Connor hums in thought. “I mean, you have severe anxiety and I have a shit ton of problems with communication. We’re a perfect disaster.” 

 

Evan actually laughs at that. “True. We just need to… talk more. Like this. Like, if you want me to play with your hair or something just… just say it.”

 

Connor’s about to interrupt, about to protest because it’s not that easy, but—

 

“And if I want to kiss you at the grocery store or while we’re walking to class or while we’re laying in bed watching a movie or something, I’ll… I’ll just do it.” He shrugs.

 

Connor feels a smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth. He wraps his arm further around Evan’s torso so he can run his fingers through the hair at the base of Evan’s neck. “Really?” It comes out sarcastic.

 

Evan clears his throat. “Yeah. I will.” He sounds sort of breathless. 

 

“I mean, if we have to be watching a movie, I could turn on a movie.” 

 

It takes a second, but Evan gets it and exhales a laugh against Connor’s head. “Connor, if you want to kiss me, all you have to do is ask.” He’s teasing, Connor knows that, but it still makes his face redden and his heartbeat pick up just a little. 

 

“Well,” Connor says, sighing and leaning back so he can see Evan’s face. Evan glances down at Connor’s lips and smiles brighter when he realizes he’s been caught. “Kiss me, then.”

 

“Gladly.”


End file.
